I am still here, alhamdulillah. I feel like I've swallowed broken glass, but the fever has subsided significantly. I meant every word of what I posted last night; I just wish I had been more eloquent. Jaanu, I love you!

The sickness I fell victim to last Ramadan appears to have returned; I felt like I was dying then. I was surprised that I survived. Just in case, just in case I am called to the return, there are two things I must say.

Allah, I love you more than anything, anything in all the worlds I prostrate to you both in the flesh and in my heart and all the good I do is a tribute and a thanks to you.

Beloved of my heart, I want you to know that there is a great goodness in you, a righteous fire that seeks the path of loving submission to the Creator and of loving-kindness to the creation. You are an example to me. Most of all, I feel as if we are one soul in two bodies. I long for you in every way it is possible to long for another human being, and even beyond that. I feel trully complete when I am with you.
Persevere, Jaanu, persevere! And never forget that I love you, and that this love is not conditional.

Subhanallah,
Alhamdulillah,
Allahu Akbar.

Assalamu Alaykum.

The sight of your face,
the light in your eyes,
the perfect pearls within your rose-petal lips;
make me laugh, cry, and dance,
all within the secret place in my heart,
suffusing my body with an inner flame.

The kindness that you show,
your integrity, your sense of justice;
these all inspire me to persevere,
to never desist in incarnating my ideals
in my flesh, in my soul.

You are sincere;
and that is the best quality
any human being can have.

I am blessed,
Alhamdulillah.
I am blessed,
subhanallah.
I am blessed,
Allahu Akbar.

Salam.

OH Beloved Sustainer and Cherisher,
tell me to bow and I bow,
tell me to prostrate and I prostrate,
tell me to abstain and I abstain...
Tell me to die and I die at your leave.

All for love of you.

There is only one day left before I get to see her again; that alone saturates my heart with joy.

Shaba Kher, miri jaan.

I love you! And I love you even more when you disagree with me!
I want a partner, not a robot.
Someone with whom to share this journey through hell and heaven,
Someone with whom to share my pain and my bliss.
Someone who can love me, stubborn argumentative streak and all.
I feel like I could melt.
This warmth in my heart which never subsides,
kindled by your affection
and flaring whenever the vision of your lovely face
passes before my mind's eye.
I love life so much now.
Alhumdulillahi Rabbi al-Amin!

Rising surf pierces the horizon,
vying with the clouds
for mastery of the sky,
as the gulls cry out their bliss.

And I am in bliss with you,
you in my arms,
I in yours,
wishing through strength of will
to stop time and touch eternity,
wishing through strength of desire
to lay forever next to you on
the warm sandy beach.

I can't wait to hold you again;
all troubles cease when we are
in each other's arms.

If I can carry the word of peace
and deposit it gingerly on your lips,
if I can heal the wounded heart
and the bless the wounded spirit,
If I can take the joy, the fire in my soul,
and find fertile ground in yours;
then I will be truly happy.

Oh this bliss, this agony,
this everturning wheel,
returning again and again
to start, to finish.
Life would not be worth living without it.

Darling, look at my heart,
not my words;
feel with me
the wonder and the horror
of this world.
Travel the path with me;
I will not abandon you.

Our heart beats synchronize
and it is as if we have merged;
one even when apart,
carrying the other with us wherever we go.
Idolatry is the worship of the dead,
who can neither help nor harm.
But you are alive,
you walk in life,
and you alone hold my heart,
you alone to help or to harm.

Eye to eye,
ecstacy to ecstacy,
we lay next to each other.

Your hair becomes my world,
engulfing my vision,
my hands running through it,
it's perfume pure and seductive.

Your skin becomes my world,
eyes smiling as I look upon it,
hands trembling yet smooth
as I caress this living silk,
and the fragrance of roses,
of youth, of joy,
fills my nostrils.

Your eyes become my world,
and I am utterly lost in their gaze.
I drink them in like wine
and they intoxicate me.
I breath them in like the air
and they sustain me.
I look at them like far off stars,
and they guide me in my long
journey through the night.

Your hair becomes my world
and I am caught in the raven net,
your trembling prey.

Your skin becomes my world;
as I caress this living silk,
the scent of roses lingers
in my nostrils.

Your eyes become my world:
I drink them in like wine
and become intoxicated;
I breath them in like air
and they sustain me;
I watch them like twin stars
and they guide me on the long
night's journey.

I hate falling asleep while on AIM; I always seem to miss something important. But I am happy; I am enshrouded in an ineffable happiness like a sufi wrapped in wool and beard. And the sufi analogy is apt; only by giving up purely selfish desires and acting and feeling out of love for another can we experience any happiness worthy of the name. Happiness is a slow process of dying; of dying fully expectant of immanent rebitrth. Ah.... words. I can only erect the merest scaffold surrounding what I feel; my heart can only express itself directly in that language which only it knows. And only another heart, opened to my own, it's inner eye scanning mine, can understand. All other words, all other language is meaningless. I feel; and you know what I feel. There is no need for words. And no one can rob you of memory; rely on it when someone comes as a thief in the night to steal your happiness. Let it warm you while walking in the cold, cold world.

I am imperfect but learning; I know to feel and not to speak (even if I do erect a mountain of words). And that the greatest joys are secret joys.

shaba kher, miri jaan.


Blogger, damn you.
You ate my poem.
Goodbye sweet poem,
you were beautiful.
I'll miss you.

Salam,

The Worldview Discussion Forum went well; much boisterous discussion and it didn't revolve around me. I'm seriously considering joining the Maliki Madhab; I need consistancy in my practice of Islam and I appreciate Malik's methodology and would also like to feel closer to my African brothers and sisters. Although there are times when I question the point of it. I mean, it's all predestined anyway, right? But I know, I have a duty to keep on and, as long as I am sincere in doing my duties, I will eventually make it to Jenna (although perhaps not without going through the hell fire first). Allahu Akbar. What else can I say? I was foolish to ever set my heart on anything in this world. Allahu Akbar, there is certainty; and I'll have him as a companion closer to me than my jugular vein, so it's best to please him and make him an ally instead of an enemy. Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah... I should trust only in you; Iyyaka na'budu wa iyyaka nasta'een. Save me from myself, beloved Rabbi Al-Amin.

Khadafiz

So Peirce's argument is nothing but a rehash of the old "they'll behave better if they believe" proof.
If believing in God leads to better conduct, we are justified in believing in God.
And if believing that a vast Jewish conspiracy controls the world leads to better conduct, we are justified in believing in just such a conspiracy.
Bleh.

I've been reading Peirce on Retroduction; while I agree that retroduction (reasoning backwards from an idea, a consequence, a phenomena which imposes itself upon us tenaciously to a hypothesis of which it is a consequent) is certainly well illustrated in the history of science, I have to take serious exception to his belittling of the "darwinian" hypothesis that these ideas impose themselves upon us by chance. I think this explanation, when properly refined, is _just_ the one which explains many of the surprising advances in scientific theory, especially those proffered by the "genii" of science history. Peirce mentions pure play and, to be more specific, musing as the process through which we are enabled to grasp the ideas that form the fodder of retroduction. But it is in just this state that we are most open to our own internal presuppositions, those presuppositions which have been instilled in us by upbringing, environment, and accident, and give us those peculiar psychological drives which in turn influence which beliefs seem to us to be inordinately significant. By musing we do allow our 'self' to converse with 'self,' and much of the content may be novel. But the grammar of the conversation and most of the vocabulary is structured by our own previous experience. And because no two subjects will have had the same experential history, this grammar and vocabulary is going to differ on a subject to subject basis. The end result is that many of the ideas which are generated in these musings will be unique to the subject engaging in them, and of those that are held in common with other subjects, the _significance_ (the prime motivating factor in allocating mental resources to a given idea or belief) will differ. This change in signficance, besides leading to different lists of valuation, will change the character of the idea itself (because the relative importance of a belief in a system or web of ideas _is_ an aspect of its character). So while the "harmony of the spheres" was a neat idea, perhaps good for a footnote, to many of the renaissance philosophers, it was an veritable obsession with Kepler.
And it is not just conscious musing which generates the ideas which fuel retroduction; a whole host of other experiences may suggest ideas: dreams are particularly common (CF. the discovery of the shape of the Oxygen molecule after the chemist dreamt of Ouroboros). So to a very great extent it IS chance (in the sense that the psychological conditioning and personal history of any given individual is chance from a purely human perspective) which is the source of these ideas, not some kind of 'rational instinct' or 'instict towards aprehending the truth.' To apply the metaphor of biological evolution, after the chance variation (the new idea) occurs, it is then worked upon by the forces of natural selection (the methodological scrutiny which then follows). Having past the basic test of survival, the idea must then compete against rival ideas for the cognitive resources of scientists, explanatory comprehensiveness being equivalent to the ability to secure resources, parsimony being equivalent to being able to make do on little, and fruitfulness being equivalent to fecundity. And, of course, while all theories (like organisms) die, the succesful one's do leave behind something of themselves in their offspring. I think Peirce really underestimates the explanatory power of Darwinism.

What right have I to say that the tribulations of a woman suffering from AIDs are inconsequential so long as she responds to it in the right way? Who am I to say that the suffering of the African Americans is a test, to judge their moral character? What happened to them was wrong and it should _never_ have happened? And what about the animals who suffered and died before the emergence of humanity? Was it all a pretty opening act before the main event? Does granting the priviledge of moral judgement to humanity justify the incalculably immense suffering necessary to maintain it? Damn the theologians! The problem of evil is still a problem for anyone who believes in an all powerful, benevolent deity. And no aphorisms about unnamed sages are going to make it any more comprehensible. And to tell not to worry about it, that it's not my place to question is to ask me to abdicate my inalienable right to freedom of thought, to shirk my binding duty to follow my reason where so ever it leads. If it leads me astray, so be it. At least I'll die after having lead a consistent life. There is real suffering in this world, horrendous suffering. And pretending it's justified in some kind of cosmic scheme (a test, or a comedy even) is to do nothing but condone that suffering and grow numb to it. And _that_ is the direct antithesis of true humanity. We should openly mourn the lost, the suffering, and make "never again!" our motto, our creed. If we live in a hostile world, then we as a species should give the world the middle finger and attempt to shape a better one. I'm so angry I could choke to death on tears.

The previous musings lead to realize yet another way in which Islam is superior to the Christianity; it's solution to the problem of evil (that it is a test) is perfectly compatible with the sovereignty of Allah (SWT) while still allowing scope for human moral responsibility. The Christian view, of the entrance of evil and sin into the world as a great unintended tragedy set in the Garden of Eden, sacrifices this sovereignty in order to attribute cosmic consequences to the latter. The Islamic view is compatible with the findings of science (that suffering existed before the emergence of humankind); the Christian view is not. Allah (SWT) intended to create humanity from the perspective of eternity; physical evil forms a necessary backdrop to the emergence of humanity _as_ humanity. That animals lived and died, that viruses and bacteria evolved long before the origin of genus Homo is wholly compatible with Islam. Christianity posits as a fundamental tenet the idea that evil entered the world as the result of _free_ human agency; Adam could have ate the fruit or not. It is this disobedience of God which then results in the introduction of decay into the world; of death for all animate creation, of carnivorous diets, of disease. Adam becomes a kind of demiurge; he bears responsibility for fundamentally altering God's perfect creation. Islam avoids this usurpation of Allah (SWT)'s authority and presents a system which is in accord with both moral reason and the findings of biology and paleontology. This consideration has detirmental effects on Christian soteriology as well. Since death and sin entered the world as a result of the actions of a single human being, it follows (in the, in my opinion, logically falacious Christian view) that it can be cleansed by actions of a single, perfect human being, one who, according to _Christian_ understanding of Jewish law could also serve as the perfect attonement sacrifice to an angry God. Salvation, depending on one's denominational adherence, depends either on faith in this sacrifice (although how this faith taps into the salvific effect is unexplained) or in participation in a sacrament whereby one recieves an infusion of the divine grace emmenating from this act (characterized, grotesquely, as eating the flesh and drinking the blood of their savior cum deity). Besides the blatantly pagan elements in this system (especially in the latter formulation) there is also the problem that, if sin and evil did _not_ enter the world as the result of the actions of a single human being, but did in fact originate long before he did, then the whole house of cards collapses. If evil and sin did not enter the world through the action of a single human being, then the singular sacrificial act of a singular saviour is not required to expiate it. If it is in fact a part of the system of nature, then the method of coping with it must be natural as well. I submit that it is the act of repentence, the act of turning to the creator of all and asking for forgiveness, which is a natural part of human psychology, exhibited in some form by all human beings, that is the beginning of the expiation of sin (the expiation of course, comes from Allah (SWT) alone). We are not saved by human effort (either our own or someone else's) because sin and evil did not enter the world via human effort. They are divinely ordained tests; the solution is to seek forgiveness and salvation from that self-same divine source.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I've been very concerned with what is known in theology as the problem of evil; specifically the Islamic solution to it. Muhamad Asad's Tafsir on Ayah 34 of Surah Al-Baqarah Ayah 41 of Surah Al-Hijr have been most useful in this regard. According to him, Humanity is distinguished from the Angels by it's ability to think conceptually, this ability leading organically to the capability of moral choice. But this capabality of choice is meaningless if it is not exercised and put to the test in lives of every human being. So there needs to be evil in the world in order that there may be this choice and this test. Physical evil is not sufficient; we are all born Muslims and would stay such without an some other force to lead us astray, whether that be influence of family and society, the whisperings of Shaytan or our own passions. This holds even if we were subjected to the most extreme forces of physical evil- hurricanes, earthquakes, disease. The element of choice becomes a factor only after temptation is present, in this case the temptation to despair, to panic, to anger, or to debauchery ('eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die'). These options would not occur to us unless they tempted us in some way; this temptation would not exist without something, an aethereal whisperer or the weakness of our own heart, to induce it. And moral evil is not sufficient; for the capability of choice to be meaningful, it must be tested in physical adversity as well as spiritual and social adversity. Our reactions to being diagnosed with a disease, to the onslaught of a vicious tempest, or to the death of a loved one are just as much an index of our character as our behaviours towards our fellow creatures. So there are three categories in which we are tested: in our choices concerning Allah (SWT) and our Din, in our choices regarding our fellow creatures, and in our reactions to those aspects of nature utterly beyond human control. Ultimately, the latter two are reducable to the first, but for analytical reasons it is useful to treat them seperately. With these considerations fully taken into account, I can see now that the existence of evil, both moral and physical, is necesarily bound to the existence of humanity, in so far as our humanity consists of our ability to think conceptually and thereby make meaningful moral choices. So even the evil which befalls us is a gift from Allah(SWT), as it presents a most precious opportunity to become trully human; our humanity reaching its apex in the din of Islam.

Salaam.

Two blue eyes,
versed in the etiquette of hate.

Two blue eyes,
laced with cyanide-ice.

Two blue eyes
bear witness.

Two blue eyes;
Are they mine?

I shy away
after much longing,
afraid of myself,
afraid of you.

And why?
I can cast a web
of glittering words
around any prospect,
draw it in,
shimmering,
with my mind;
but this is no preparation
for the naked reality
of you standing before me.

Beauty, Beauty,
I demur, I curl up
like a dying leaf
waiting for the
water which will
never come.

I am afraid,
and my heart dies
a little every day
as the fear pushes
you away from me,
me away from you,
and another bright
future dies on the
nourishing vine.

Asalaam Alaikum,

"Ap kaise he," ap kahna?

Me thik hoo, miri dost.

Khuder Hafiz!